What a Squander

What a squander.

Do you see this?

Wasteful..

Should have been more careful.

Should've.. would've.. could've...

Didn't. 

Such a pity. 

Such a waste. 

What a terrible taste.

Too much! Too many!

Disgraceful and sour...

Have you the hour?

I once met a girl made of magic.

I once met a girl made of magic.

Though she doubted herself,

her life was filled with

extraordinary miracles.

Anytime I was around her,

things felt so wonderful.

I don't know how else to explain it.

She would leave her front door unlocked,

never worried that someone might break in.

Although she thought so little of herself,

it was clear that everyone and everything 

around her thrived.

She couldn't even see it,

only pieces, so she didn't believe it.

She was the magic she desired. 

We Are Stronger Together

Tired of being broke, 

Tired of hearing that word inflation.

Start to say it like it's a joke,

Everybody starts on this thing called imitation. 

But no one can get it right,

Instead they start wars and fights,

Cuz they're jealous that someone else might have the opportunity to do it better.

We could be doing this together!

Everybody deserves a voice,

Everyone deserves a chance at life!

So come on gang, let's get our shit together,

They tell you not to underestimate

stupid in a group, 

Imagine what happens when we get smart

And I know, that this just sounds like art

But I'm speaking the truth, 

And you could be a part of it too

It's time to step up, not back down

Maybe make a few more educated jokes 

next time you want to be a class clown. 

You have no idea the things your peers are listening to, 

so you may as well believe that it could be you.

That's a lot of pressure to carry,

And why most people want to be legendary.

They say it takes a village to raise a child,

Because we're responsible for life around us.

So don't forget that,

The next time you're in front of ANYbody. Because they said you had to get older,

They never said you had to grow up.

an impossible poem

What is creativity?

Dreaming out loud.

What is a dream?

An impossible fact.

What is possibility?

Hope for the future. 

What does the future look like? 

Like a dream. 

bad matters in bed,

I feel so shallow.

Have I lost the balance

I once strived for?

If sex matters,

but it isn't everything,

then why do I feel so vain?

Why am I so absorbed

with the experience this person has to offer me,

rather than the wisdom

they have to share?

I suppose insecurity 

and a lack of pride

can lead to bad matters in bed,

but so does judgement

and lack of compassion.

Am I being fair?

In this moment, do I even care?

I feel so shallow..

Have I lost the balance

I once strived for?

survivor

You're just mad.

Upset I can keep myself afloat, 

in the same place you left me to drown.

You're just jealous.

Envious of my dexterity and adaptability 

to the shit you threw my way. 

You're just so wishful

that I would cave and give in.

Hoping I might be so miserable,

so as to give you the satisfaction.

But I'm not a quitter,

and that makes you so angry..

Feel better, мой детка. 

Life could be worse

you drive me insane

you make me feel pretty,

when you talk like that.

you make me feel loved,

when you touch like that.

you drive me insane

when everything you say,

sounds exactly the same

as the shit he said

that made me feel safe..

you make me feel pretty,

when you talk like that.

you make me feel loved,

when you touch like that.

you drive me insane

Love is More Than Just a Feeling; it is Action

How am I supposed to tell you,

"I love you as you are"

without scaring or confusing you?

How do I help you understand

that when I say the word "love", 

I mean unconditional acceptance,

and support?

How do I show you

true loyalty,

without you thinking

I need more from you?

I suppose I have done all I can,

I cannot heal your sight.

So here is a piece of me,

I wish I could've shown you

in different circumstances..

I am a deep feeler,

I guess I need to make it clearer..

I am not one to run away

because of my fears.

And if something isn't working,

I do not shed so many tears.

I get back up, and try again.

What more can I do?

There's no use if I pretend,

it only hurts me and you.

"Let me blow your mind away.

Trust in me,

let me change your view of the

world.

If even for a moment..

Let me capture your attention, 

with my soul that's a little dented."

(Unseen Place, June 2017).

This piece of me is strong and seductive.

People want to come nearer,

but get overwhelmed

by someone like myself.

How do I show you

I can be a light in your life,

without blinding you

from shining too bright?

My Uncle is my Hero

Yep. I have plans tonight with my 65-year-old uncle. He is probably the only man that is actually worth my time, lately.

He does not guilt trip me,

nor he does tell me I nag at him

or that I am annoying.

He means what he says and follows through

on plans we make together,

including texting or calling me

at the time we are supposed to meet.

He makes sure I am prepared

for whatever it is I choose to do in my life,

and checks in on me at work

when I havent spoken to him in a while.

My uncle is supportive and loving,

and his constructive criticism is filled with wisdom.

He has been there for me in so many ways,

that some I could count,

but I've mostly lost track.

He has written me letters every year since I was 10,

and I am always his valentine.

So yes. I have plans with my uncle.
I'm sorry you wanted to see me,

but I could really care less to spend time with someone

who barely remembers the answers to questions THEY asked me.

a funny way for a birthday celebration

Is it possible to have conjured you

through the radio?

It was just past midnight

when I thought of you.

I did not drive past your house,

though I always look in that direction,

when I leave.

As I was pulling up to your street,

I was thinking of Isabella

and turned on the radio.

The song that played was unfamiliar,

but the tones of Jack Johnson were quick

to be recognized. 

As I passed your road, 

I thought about how 

the only reason I cannot

see her,

is you.

Just then, the song ended.

And I was met with the live sounds of 

Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons.

Really? Is it true?

Did I just conjure you?

As I drive down 4 Mile back to my home,

I am pressed with a thought.

A thought I so desperately try to ignore. 

You will speak to him. 

How, I think, do I speak to him?

He wants nothing to do with me!

You will see him and speak to him.

So I forget this and lay down,

for a restless sleep..

*    *    *    *    *

I awoke this morning in a rush.

It wasn't until I thought about what happened,

just some short hours prior,

that I realized what today is.

Happy birthday, Jared.

Only one more year from today,

and you will be 30.